All posts by mjohnson

Happy Birthday to me…Getting old isn’t funny….or is it??!!

Well, today I turn 49.

Wow! Such a simple sentence and yet it strikes panic in my heart and soul!!

I am almost FIFTY!!! What the heck??? Wasn’t I a fun-loving, care-free, no responsibilities (well, maybe a few responsibilities), let’s-stay-up-all-night, I-can-eat-anything teenager just yesterday??? Geez, it feels surreal to say that I’m almost a half century old (oh, yeah..THAT phrase makes it feel sssooo much better *facepalm*). Well, I think I’m still fun-loving, so one out of five ain’t bad.

Honestly, I didn’t believe that I would make it this far. Being diagnosed at 29 with breast cancer and surviving, I wrestled with the notion, for many years, that it would come back and take me out. It still could but for now…I choose to live my life to the fullest and not allow the fear that has held me down for many years to mandate my life.

Now, I have had this little piece of the interwebs for quite some time now. Unfortunately, I killed the love fern. (movie quote, look it up) I have disappointed myself and others with neglecting this site. Mainly because of fear. (that emotion is a pesky little bugger, isn’t it??!!) It was set up by my husband to encourage me to write. I was excited about this prospect at first but like everything else, I allowed fear to dictate what I did and also, my ADD kicked in. I got bored and along with the fear…I abandoned the idea of ever becoming a writer.

WELL, THAT ENDS TODAY!!!!! (um, why are you shouting??!!)

I think God has been knocking me over the head, lovingly, with a 2×4 to get back to what He has designed me for. To write and make people laugh. So, I have been inspired to take this blog by the…horns?…wait, it doesn’t have horns….keyboard?….monitor??….reins??….Al Gore, the inventor of the interwebs???…the squirrel that runs the wheel in my laptop???…..well, by whatever and start giving the world another sass mouth opinion that it probably really doesn’t need.

I have decided to chronicle my decent into nifty fifty-dom!!! A year’s worth of Misha-isms regarding life, love and the pursuit of everything 80’s….I mean, happiness. (happiness…*snickers*….sorry, inside joke….*falls over laughing). I mean, obviously, I will be interjecting as much 80’s references as I can because…well, I don’t think you’d expect anything less from me.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and read my blog once in a while, you could miss it.

The Green Disco Dress

I think it was the spring of 1979 and I had turned ten years old just four months prior. It was that rite of passage time known as Easter clothes shopping. While my brother groaned with displeasure, I was ecstatic because I knew exactly what I wanted!

Even though, we were in the last year of the decade, the disco craze was still going strong. The TV show, Dance Fever (yes, with Deney Terrio, the man who taught John Travolta all his moves in Saturday Night Fever) had just started and was one of my requested shows to watch for family viewing (along with The Hardy Boys, Donny & Marie, and Mork & Mindy). Enthralled with the costumes and dance moves, I wanted to be one half of a dynamic dancing duo. Oh, to be twirled, spun, lifted, shimmied, booty-bumped and hustled right into the Grand Prix Finals!!! Plus if Leif Garrett or Shaun Cassidy just happened to be that week’s guest performer…well, bonus points for me!!

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah…Easter outfit shopping. I don’t remember the actual shopping experience but I do remember being very specific in my request for a dress. I wanted it to be disco style.

What is disco style, you ask?? Some of you may remember, for others it may be before your time. If I could quote Diana Mankowski’s article “That’s The Way They Liked it: Disco Fashion on http://www.ultimatehistoryproject.com/disco-fashion.html: “Flirty, feminine, swirly skirts and wrap dresses in cuts and fabrics that flowed with the dancer’s movements and shimmered under the disco lights were very popular looks for women as were blouses and pants worn billowy, flared, or skin-tight. ” In a word, it was sexy. Thinking about it now, I can just imagine what was going through my mother’s mind in trying to fulfill her young daughter’s request, especially since it was for a dress to be worn to church Easter morning.

I’m not sure how long we shopped but my mother was able to find a shirt and skirt combo that appeased her sensibility, still preserved her daughter’s modesty, and made said daughter happy. I was thrilled with the choice that had flowy fabric, pretty lace on the short butterfly sleeves, and a faux wrap skirt with a ruffled hem. This dress purchase also included sandals with a 2 inch platform sole. My first heels!! I felt so grown up and looked forward to Easter Sunday with as much excitement as Christmas morning that year.

I also think I was wearing my first training bra……but that’s a whole other blog post.

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A Halloween Love Story

Tami wonders if maybe she should have stayed home. Standing at the bar, looking out at the dance floor, she now second guessed her decision to allow her best friend to drag her out into public. She was perfectly content to spending another weekend in her comfy sweatpants, a half-gallon container of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough on her lap and her 80’s movie collection. She knows it’s sad and majorly cliche that she’s been in this funk after the implosion of her relationship with Steve but it is what it is. However, Tami totally got that Lori was just trying to help and didn’t like seeing her this down. It’s one of the things she loves most about Lori but at the current moment, she could probably punch her. Hard.

Readjusting her 80’s costume, Tami contemplated about ducking out a side door of the club and heading home until she was tackled from behind with Lori screaming her name in her ear. Tami turns around and shoots Lori a dirty look. Lori throws her hands up and shrugs, mouthing the word “what” over the bass-thumping club music. Tami grabs Lori’s hand and drags her off to the ladies’ bathroom so they could speak without hand motions and lip reading.

Weaving through the crowd and narrowly missing a rum and coke bath by a drunk girl desperately trying to impress some goon with her crazy gyrations disguised as dance moves, Tami bangs the bathroom door open and spins around to face her friend.

“Why on earth did I agree to this???!!! Ok, I got dressed, I showed up. NOW can I go home??” pleaded Tami.

Lori rolls her eyes.

“Oh c’mon! You have to have one drink, at least, AND dance with me to a couple of songs. You LOVE to dance! C’mon PLEASE!” Lori pleads while fumbling around in her purse. “By the way, your outfit is to DIE for!!! Where did you get it??”

Tami steps up next to Lori in front of the mirror, who’s finally found her lipstick and reapplying liberally, and stares at her costume.

“Weird story. There’s a new thrift store that opened up several blocks from my apartment. When you badgered me about coming to First Avenue’s Halloween bash, I figured I’d check it out to get some costume inspiration. I was actually leaving the store, thinking it was a waste, when I nearly tripped over this box kinda sticking out from a clothes rack. I was kinda ticked that it would just be out there like that. I mean I could have broken something! But as I was pushing it back, I saw this neon shirt and the leg warmers were right up underneath the shirt. I mean it was perfect. Then I stand up, the shirt and leg warmers in my hand, to these shoes sitting on top of the clothes rack. I was shocked! It was almost like the outfit was hand delivered to me, being an 80’s fanatic and all.”

“You’re kidding?!! I had THE hardest time finding something and finally had to order stuff from the web! You majorly lucked out. Ok! Now let’s go and have a good time!”

Lori circles Tami, placing her hands on Tami’s back to push her out of the bathroom and towards the club’s dance floor. Play resisting, Tami isn’t paying attention to where she is going and runs into someone coming into the hallway towards the bathrooms. Apologizing profusely, Tami realizes she’s engulfed in an embrace that steadies her but also makes her weak at the knees all in the same moment. She’s not sure if it’s the beautiful smile, awesome laugh or heady scent of Drakkar Noir (or even all three) that sends her brain into a somersault. He sets her upright, tells her it’s all good then disappears down the hallway and into the men’s room. Tami stands there stunned, then looks at Lori. Lori then looks down the hallway in the direction of mystery man’s path, back at Tami, back down the hallway, and then busts out laughing while walking past Tami.

…..to be continued.

25 Random Things about ME

1. I’ve never broken a bone. (knock wood)

2. I won second place in my elementary school’s spelling bee when I was in 3rd or 4th grade.

3. I have ran into a volleyball net. Most embarrassing moment of my 7th grade career.

4. I met my husband when we worked together at a credit union in Tampa, Florida.

5. I’ve been deaf in my right ear since birth. I was completely blessed as my mother had the German measles when she was in her first trimester. Usually babies have severe birth defects when that happens.

6. I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

7. I was born to a teenage momma. She was 16.

8. My grandmother and I have a birthmark almost in the same spot on our right calf.

9. I have an addiction to Starbuck’s mocha frappuccinos. You know the ones in a bottle you can buy at the store.

10. My grandmother raised two wild birds. A mourning dove named June and a mocking bird named Teet. When Teet was released back into the wild, he would come back and sing to us whenever we were sitting out in the screened-in porch.

11. I secretly want to move back to Florida.

12. I really really really wanted to be a Mouseketeer. The was during the New Mickey Mouse Club was on air (the one Lisa Welchel was a part of) in the 1970’s.

13. My first concert was Shaun Cassidy. Da doo run run run…da doo run run.

14. I love boiled peanuts.

15. I can talk like Donald Duck.

16. I also think I do a killer Mae West impression.

17. English was my favorite subject in school. Most hated: Math.

18. I wanted to be a marine biologist when I was in high school.

19. I took tap/ballet, baton & piano lessons as a child. Yeah I was ADD before anyone knew what it was.

20. I was kind of a tomboy, following my step brother around. I climbed trees, helped build forts, played tag football and ran around barefoot a lot.

21. I love being out on a boat, sailing through open water.

22. I will never go white water rafting again after being sucked out of my two-man boat into a rapid.

23. The last cat we had was named Carly until we found out she was actually a he. It was promptly changed to Harley.

24. I was teased immensely for being very fair skinned. I was nicknamed Casper (not one of my most liked memories). I grew up in Florida. Yeah, doesn’t go together well…..can you say LOBSTAH??!!

25. I love ferrets. I’ve owned three: Holly, Bear & Punkie have all passed over the Rainbow Bridge. 🙂 As cute as they are, I cannot bring myself to own anymore.

My Grandma’s Hands

This is written in loving memory of my grandmother, Letha Mildred Buchanan Turner, who passed away August 3, 2013. I read this at her memorial.

My Grandma’s Hands

When she would grab my hand and say let’s go, I knew something fun was about to happen. It would be one of two things: walking to the 7-Eleven where the candy aisle to a 4 foot tall kid was a cornucopia of sweet, chocolately, tarty, soury deliciousness depending on my choices that day or it was a longer walk to the local grocery store in which my choices of “what will delight Michelle today” would boggle my mind during the entire walk there. I remember one of my choices, with the coaxing of my grandma, was to try yogurt for the first time. To this day, it saddens me that the store no longer carries their store brand of Boysenberry (what the heck is a boysenberry anyway?)

Of course, there were the occasional car trips in her tan Monte Carlo to doctor appointments, department stores, visiting great-Grandma or being picked up from school (which was always a special treat). Even then, I would notice my grandma’s hands and how she would cross her middle over her index finger every time she was in the car. I had finally asked her why she would do that. She would say that it was her way of wishing and praying that we would all return home safely. With her answer, I got the first glimpse into how the retention of hand-me-down wives tales molded her actions and that I was the next generational recipient of such superstitions.

The memory of my grandmother’s hands are not always pleasant. Being the ever precocious child, my mouth would get me into more trouble than I care to admit (yes, I realize that not much has changed). Many a time, I remember grandma’s hands popping me for a deed done wrong or a finger pointed towards the back door, indicating that I was to go out to the backyard to find a whippin’ switch. A request that I thought was very bizarre but followed through with because I was being taught to obey my elders. From my recollections, I suppose this ritual was effective since the bush from whence the requested switch was to be broken from was never bare.

However, my mind’s history files are filled to overflowing with more beautiful things my grandma’s hands were a part of than negative. Proverbs 10: 4 says that idle hands make one poor, but diligent hands bring riches. While many things my grandmother dabbled in brought her money, the riches she actually received was the delight her creativity and compassion would give to others. I cannot remember her hands ever being idle. Even when we would lay down to “rest”, her hands would hold mine or stroke my arm or face. It was a tactic she had discovered that would guide me to fall asleep quicker. As I got older, I had wised up to this unspoken sneaky trick and would move around and stare at her closed eyes, asking her if she was asleep and she would reply that she was just resting her eyes.

Her crafty ambitions as a stay-at-home wife drove my grandfather crazy with money flying out the door for silk flowers, foam pieces, ceramic statues, acrylic paints, brushes, yarn, crochet needles and anything else that was a necessity for her particular passion at the moment. In the end, her final creations were cherished among many friends and family members and will be for years after. Many weddings flowers, table center pieces and decorations were blessed with a touch of Letha. Afghans and sweater sets would warm the recipients just like a hug from its creator. Ceramic lamps, wall hangings, mugs and nativity sets lovingly painted with skill and minute detail would eventually become cherished family heirlooms passed down with sweet stories attached to each one.

Grandma’s hands were also healing. Many a time, I remember her nursing a fever of mine or applying some type of home remedy to a family member’s aliment. Brake fluid on back aches??? Really??? I remember personally the times that she would take care of me after my ear surgeries, how she would tell me to massage certain places to rid of aches and pains. Her hands helped my baby sister in a health crisis with massage and opening up her tear duct. Shoot!! She even nursed two wild birds back to health.

I loved it when her hands would be a part of her teachings. Watching her cook food for her family, make my grandfather lunch, baking delicious desserts. She would show me how to do things but also involve and encourage me to copy the things she was doing. One of my favorite memories of her hands was her teaching me how to take care of my newborn son. When Mom had to go back to work, she stayed with me and showed me how to give Ryan his first bath, changing diapers and feedings.

As I’ve taken this time to remember her, her life and how it has intertwined with mine, I have realized just how much her hands aided and protected me. It was rare that I was ever without her support in some form or fashion. I hope, that in her last days, she felt the same from the hands of her family. That we were finally able to reciprocate all that her hands have done as her hand went of from holding onto ours to holding onto Jesus’.

Valentine

I wrote this for my honey about five years ago for Valentine’s Day:

You – a single guy at 27, telling your mother that she may never have grandchildren and that you’ve given up on finding anyone to share your life with.

You – coming to work one day to find a newly hired receptionist. Who almost didn’t get the job because she was late getting to the interview, but because the President and Vice President LOVED her personality, she was hired.

You – giving her attention, showing you genuinely cared about what she was talking about. And wasn’t bothered by the fact that she already had a 9 month old son.

You – who wrote her love letters and stuck them under her desk calendar so she would have something to read every morning when she came into work.

You – who told her that you wouldn’t pursue an intimate relationship with her until she was absolutely and positively sure that she was in love with you. Although you were already in love with her.

You – who wanted to marry this girl and be a daddy to a son that wasn’t biologically yours.

You – who didn’t freak out (too much) when she found out she was pregnant again. 22 months apart isn’t so bad. 🙂

You – who sticks by her side even when she doesn’t listen to you about spending money.

You – who loved her when she looked like a bald, hairless 10 year old girl because of the chemo.

You – who still thinks she is sexy despite the loss of her left breast. (and being overweight)

You – who thinks he’s the one blessed with a wonderful wife but really it’s the other way around.

You- who doesn’t mind that his wife goes off with friends for a night or a weekend.

You – who hugs and kisses her every chance he has.

You – who tells his wife “I love you” all the time.

Equals

ME – a woman who cannot fathom her world without you.

Mondays are of the debil (or Why I absolutely LOVE Fridays!)

Many of my Facebook friends & family, as well as my IRL friends & family, are subjected to crazy, funny quips about my extreme dislike (hate is such a strong word) for Mondays and my extreme LOVE for Fridays. While it seems like such a stretch from one to the other, they actually go hand in hand.

Yeah, you confused yet?? Good! Hold on tight as I attempt to guide you through the purple rai….I mean…my crazy brain.

I had read somewhere that a person should not live just for the weekends (who said it and where I saw it kind of escapes me at the moment). I completely agree with that. Every day is a blessing and just another chance to be a blessing to someone else. Anyone that has gone through a life-altering event or has watched someone close to them go through a life-altering event can attest to the fact that every single day on this earth is precious and a merciful gift from God. Experiences, memories, friendships, family (yes, even the dysfunctional ones) make up where we’ve come from, who we are and where we’re going.

However, I wish I could have known then what I know now. I was completely oblivious to this knowledge when I was a teenager. My parents divorced right before I hit puberty. It was a very difficult time allllll the way around. My middle school (junior high, we called it….AND I walked barefoot both ways, up and down the hill…ok ok nevermind) and high school years were tough to get through. Needless to say, my mother and I butted heads like two male battering rams fighting over territory! What we were actually fighting over was control. Control over my life because I wanna be the one in control (20 points for Gryffindor if you got that 80’s reference) and she didn’t want me to go down the same path she did.

Even though I was a smart cookie (winks at my junior high friends), I did not apply myself and my grades weren’t the best. So, home life wasn’t great and school career wasn’t great. My only joy was found in being with my friends (most of you are nodding your heads right now, aren’t you?!) and music. With the strict rules my mother had, the weekends were the only times I could plan to be with my friends. I would spend most of the week making plans with friends and if I wasn’t grounded for one reason or another, funville was on my radar for the whole weekend. Well, after cleaning the house on Saturday mornings and church on Sunday mornings. Being with my friends at the skating rink, a party or at their house was my escape from the craziness that I felt was in my life at the time.

Fridays have become to represent a kind of freedom to me. A time to do the fun, crazy things that are put off during the week. A time to make memories, sing songs out loud with the windows down and the person in the car next to you thinks you’re a little touched (wahhhat?? another 80’s song reference???!! stop it, crazy 80’s lady!!!), hug & kiss on your special someone, lend a helping hand, learn something new, give God the glory, take a nap.

Poor Monday just gets the bad rap because once it rolls around….the kibosh is put on all the stuff that I’ve looked forward to all the previous week.

So, if Monday could just become Tuesday…that’d be great.

A Taste of the Past

This video surfaced several weeks ago. It made my heart leap with joy!!!  As a lady with her memories firmly rooted in the 80’s, the band Journey is a big part of those. When I saw my Facebook newsfeed with the title of ‘Steve Perry Sings Again’, the biggest grin spread across my face!

I have heard the band (even live in concert) as it stands today with the lead being provided by Arnel Pineda. I think he is awesome and sounds very close to Steve’s original sound. I still support Journey and try to see them in concert whenever I can. Arnel, himself, has been quoted in saying that he was happy that Steve was on stage again and would graciously bow out if Steve wanted to be Journey’s frontman again. (http://www.classichitsandoldies.com/v2/2014/06/01/journey-singer-arnel-pineda-says-steve-perry-should-come-back-to-the-band/ )

I’m not sure if that will happen. I know that Steve doesn’t sound like he did 20 plus years ago, however I do feel that he does sound good and is still a showman. I am sure that he was very nervous stepping out onto that stage but it never showed.  I hope that I am around if it does happen…even if it’s just one time.  My little 80’s heart would absolutely explode!!!

My first tattoo

That just sounds weird, doesn’t it? My first tattoo. Is there a book out there with this title??………wait, hold on……………ok, I just checked on Amazon and there is not (hhmm, write down idea for future children’s book idea).

A friend of mine asked on Facebook after I posted pictures in an album with aforementioned title……first tattoo? does that mean you’ll be getting more? *sly grin*hhhmmmmm…….mmmmmaybe.

So, why would a middle-aged woman be getting a tattoo at all…you may be asking yourself. Well, ok….you might not be asking but since you’re here on my website, I assume you’re wondering something. I don’t want you leaving my site empty-handed, I mean, empty-headed, I mean….geez, nevermind. On with the story:

I grew up a goody-two shoes, which isn’t a bad thing. However, I may not have always pulled it off. I got into my fair share of trouble and created havoc for my mom, who has plenty of gray hairs (hidden well with the expertise of a great hair stylist) with my name on them. During my childhood, tattoos were of the devil. Well, maybe not the devil exactly but they were taboo and represented n’er do wells and ragamuffins and the like.

As crazy as I was as a teenager and young adult, I don’t think I ever entertained the thought of getting a tattoo. I suppose having the thoughts of ‘what would people think’, ‘you’ll never get a job’, ‘nice girls don’t tattoo’ were pretty ingrained into my brain. So I moved on with my life, got married, and had children. However, something happened to me at the age of 29 that changed my life forever.

Three months before I turned the big THREE OH, I discovered a lump in my left breast.  Yes, it was shocking! For my age and for the fact there was no family history of it. I made the decision with my husband to have a mastectomy, coupled with chemotherapy and radiation. This all lasted about 6 months. It was tough and a battle that was fraught with tears, arguments, sickness, doctor’s appointments and bills…all while trying to work, manage a household, and keep two young children from freaking out about possibly losing their mom.

Five years later, I came out the other side as a victor in that nasty battle. Once you have reached the five and ten year marks, the doctors declare you to be in remission. However, I have a scar that I see in the mirror every day. An ugly line across the left side of my chest (no I didn’t get the reconstruction…a decision I regret somewhat). Do I regret that scar?? Absolutely not!!! It is my war wound, if you will.

This is where the tattoo comes in. Right after I was told by doctors to be in remission, an idea started to form in my mind. I wanted a tattoo. Something that was pretty and feminine but represented that I was a survivor. It took a while for me to get up the courage (and the money) to get it but it was a bucket list wish I was finally able to check off.

So, almost fifteen years after my last chemo/radiation treatment….I celebrate!! With God’s grace, I will be around for a long time to continue celebrating. 🙂

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